Vibe
Vibe is by far the most important indicator of whether or not I will get along with someone. It means something like shared interest, or perhaps, shared values. But I want to push it away from the conceptual or philosophical and towards the phenomenological; that is, an embodied sense of awareness and a capacity and willingness to pay attention to the aspects of life that truly matter. This includes a measure of confidence in one’s own being / place in the world combined with a playful spirit that allows one not to take oneself (or others) all that seriously. It is a close correlative to the joy of Spinoza or the expansive self of Whitman—or even, perhaps, Walter Pater’s invocation to burn, with that hard-edged flame. On an ethical level, this attitude will likely manifest as a capacity for kindness—as care or kindness will naturally flow from a person who has developed a playful vibe. That said, it is possible for a person to be caring without sharing the attitude of the free spirit.
Intelligence
I understand intelligence as a combination of openness to new and different information with an ability to sift through the nonsense and focus, again, on what might be relevant to human or biotic flourishing, at any scale. While not correlated with educational level, intelligence does require a certain measure of ‘work’—of which reading will always be central. I prize intelligence highly because it allows for the free play of conversation on wide-ranging topics. And good conversation with intelligent and free-spirited people is, to me, the very meaning of human life.
Style
This might be considered a part of the more general vibe, but here I mean style both in the broader Nietzschean sense—To give style to one’s character!—and also in the narrower (Baudelairean?) sense of fashion. Of course, I do not mean following ‘high fashion’ or even popular trends, but rather cultivating in one’s dress and manner certain idiosyncrasies that call for attention. One could call this exuding pleasure in one’s own bearing, and in the response that this calls forth from others.
Taste
Whereas style is about the choices a person makes with regard to the way they present themselves to others, taste refers to the choices and decisions a person makes with regard to things such as food, drink, art, music, fashion, and culture. On the most basic level, taste is about sensory perception, which—like all things on this list—is not innate but can and must be cultivated. It is also about appreciation for great works of architecture, art, and literature.
Attraction
I place great value in beauty, here understood (mostly) as a person’s physical attractiveness; or, as I’ve put it, in order to make it less passive or objectified, the capacity for attraction. I submit that there is some subjectivity in judgments of beauty, though less so than is frequently assumed. Beyond the genetic cards one has been dealt, a large part of this is simply keeping oneself in good physical condition, through exercise, healthy diet, and so on. This is buttressed, of course, by an attention to style as well, I suggest, as a person’s more general attitude towards life (vibe). And intelligence, too, can significantly uplift a person’s physical charms. I can appreciate male beauty, though my appreciation will remain at the same level at which I appreciate a beautiful work of art. In a woman, I am compelled more directly and intensely—such as I am when facing natural beauty or a sublime poem.